I'm happy to report that today I can see a tinnnnyyyy (that's was for Mary) little light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. That's about as optimistic as I dare to be, getting my hopes up is no fun for anyone. But considering where I was last night, this morning I'm feeling about 1 million times better. Although I did start crying while painting the patio room (more on that in a minute) and had to call my dad. He's such a good guy. He knows exactly how to read me and always knows the best thing to say. For example, this morning I was angry and so he suggested that I leave my neighbors a nice thank you note when I leave. Something like "Dear Assholes, thank you for being so obnoxious that I have had to sell my house. I have now made 30k off of it and I am going to break your basketball hoop before I leave. Who are the losers now?" Haha. Perfect. Being my dad is a tough job, I'm sure. He's been picking up the pieces for me for years now and despite everything I've put him through, he has never once not loved me through it. I've thrown everything I have at him, and he still loves me. That's a good dad.
I wanted to expand a little on where my anxiety comes from in this situation. I'm not doing this because I think that everyone needs to know my every waking thought, I'm writing this for me. When I write things down, I can see what I'm really thinking and it helps me to organize my thoughts. Why am I sharing it publicly? I think it helps my self confidence to feel like I have something important to share. I've spent a lot of time in recent years worrying about what others think of me and so I've put very little of myself "out there." This blog helps me to slowly chip away at the huge wall I have built up between myself and the outside world. It's a small first step, but an important one.
A lot of the time I feel like a complete crazy person for being bothered by this whole basketball situation to the point where I feel like I'm mentally breaking down. What I've come to realize is that it isn't about the basketball. I played basketball for years and the sound of an actual basketball is not THAT big of a deal. Sure it can be annoying after 4 hours, but that isn't what this is about. It's really become about the complete lack of consideration that any of these people have. From my neighbors, to the employees I've dealt with from the city, none of them have a lick of common decency.
My neighbors are aware of the fact that we just bought this home. They know that we have put hundreds of hours of work into it. They know that we have a two year old. And yet, just last night, they let their kids play basketball next to our bedrooms until 8 pm at night. Well past sunset which they KNOW is when the park closes. Why? I would never let my kid play basketball next to what I know to be a toddlers bedroom until 8 at night, let alone at 6pm which is most people's dinner time! And you know what the worst part is?? One of the families has a 3 year old! They should know more than anyone how precious a toddler's sleep is! It's just infuriating. The fact that these kids talk back to me like I'm an idiot when I go over and ask them to please go home. It's the lack of respect that really gets me going. Every minute past 6 pm that I have to put up with that crap, I just sink deeper and deeper. What did I do to deserve such crap? If anything, by fixing up this dump, I made all of their houses look better. But then again, the two families I have problems with own the dumpiest houses on our street so they probably don't care. Tells you a lot about them actually.
And this is what I cried about in my patio room this morning. The fact that we have put every ounce of everything we have into this house for the past year (including just trying to GET the house) and this is what it comes down to. It makes me so angry and so heartbroken at the same time. I am surrounded by people who don't care about anyone but themselves. Seems to be a common attitude in this part of town, and I am so done with it.
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