Sisters.

Pretty much everyone I know has siblings. I only know a few only children. I watch my husband with his siblings and his relationships with them are so effortless and wonderful. He's always been a great big brother and I often hear stories about all of the wonderful things he did for his siblings when they were young, like putting on pretend circuses in the living room.

I feel like an only child sometimes because I'm so much older than my sisters. I have two. They are beautiful, amazing, confident, talented little individuals. One is 17 and about to finish high school, and one is 14 and just started.

The 17 year old is my mother's second child and I sadly missed out on much of her life. I feel tremendous guilt for that, and even more because now that I have a chance to really be in her life, I don't know how. I have honestly forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. I am so horrible at relating to her and finding things to talk about.

The same sort of goes for the 14 year old. I've known her since the day she was born and I still have a hard time figuring out how to relate. All I can think to say to both of them most of the time is, "I miss you" because it's true. It's so true. I wish I could see both of their beautiful faces every single day. I wish I could go to every sports event, be there to help get ready for every dance, be a shoulder to cry on when boys are inevitably assholes.

But I can't. Because I'm married with a child now. And they both live so far away. It sucks. At the very least, I wish I had given them something to look up to. I feel like there is nothing. Sure I graduated college. Awesome. So did everyone else. I also got married at 21, had a kid at 23, and that's about all I've got going on. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love being a mom/wife. But I don't think it's enough to give my teenage sisters this impression that I'm someone awesome that has achieved something. Not to mention that I'm completely mental, something that the 14 year old knows all too well. So what is left?

I hope that they both understand how much they mean to me. How I think of them every single day, How I love them so unconditionally and think that they are perfect. I hope that someday we can be more on the same page. Maybe when they are married with kids, or at least are living on their own with jobs, responsibilities. I hope we can be closer and that maybe at some point, I can be someone they look up to.

I love you both, and I miss you terribly. ;)
Sissy.