Who ARE you?

Do you ever go through an entire day where you are just unable to recognize yourself? Or you feel like you don't know the people around you as well as you should?

I have this weird dissociative thing that I've always had off and on. It's been like a week though and I don't know what else to say except that I'm in a funk. I look at my actions throughout the day and I'm thinking, did I really just do that? Or, in a lot of cases, it's did I really NOT do that? 

I've had this amazing opportunity dropped in my lap. Something I never expected. I'm not sure if it's really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but damn, its awesome. Someone wants to sell my stuff on their website. I will have WAY more exposure than I do with my Etsy shop. People like my work. Out of all the others doing what I do, they like mine. It validates me. I feel like I've got something to offer. On top of that, I've made my Dad proud.

But for some reason, this week, I'm feeling like this opportunity can't possibly be meant for me. Is my self worth really that low that I don't think I deserve it? Maybe so. Maybe I really feel like I can't possibly be the person making things that people like and pay money for. Why? Too many years of doubting, feeling inadequate, being depressed. It's an awful way to go about life. I don't recommend it.

Another example: Gemma. I go through so many days looking at her and saying, who is this little person? How could that beautiful little being have come from me? It's almost too hard to believe. Today I just kept looking at her and hugging her, saying I love you so much. She was totally annoyed because I was acting like a crazy person. I just feel like I'm missing out on this awesome connection with her because I'm holding myself back. I'm so obsessed with the idea that I'm doing things wrong, or that I'm not good enough, that I am missing out on building a connection with my baby. She probably looks at me like I'm some mean unhappy person. It kills me.

Story of my life, so anxious and worried about what might happen or what people might think that I end up doing nothing. Ugh. Here's to hoping I can shake this feeling. Soon.