Why we are selling our house.

Yes, we will be listing the house for sale in the next month hopefully. Brian didn't feel like it was necessary to broadcast it, and initially I agreed with him. But people are going to find out about it either way, and I would like everyone to know the deal, because the truth is, I'm kind of embarrassed about it. After we had so many devoted friends and family members here to help us make this our new home, I feel bad that we didn't last very long here. To all of you who contributed, we truly thank you and will not forget how much hard work you put in to help us make this a home.

The talk of selling originally started when we started having problems with our neighbors. I have really bad anxiety (like anxiety attacks, the whole nine yards), and having daily confrontations with a bunch of teenagers who are twice my size is not my idea of a good time. Coming off of a holiday season from hell, throwing party after party because I'm insane, and putting in hundreds of hours making this place livable, I just couldn't take the extra aggravation. I know a lot of people think I'm nuts for letting this get to me so badly. The problem is that I'm home alone with Gemma for 12 hours a day. When she can't take a nap, she is scared to be in her room because they are so loud, we can't go outside because of the constant screaming of profanities, you can imagine that my day becomes THAT much more difficult. Not to mention the fact that I am terrified of them. I've seen these kids meeting with a drug dealer next to my home, I've had an older cousin of one of the kids threaten to pull a gun on someone right in front of me...can you blame me when I'm home alone with my 2 year old all day?

So when things became unbearable, we called and met with our realtor. She feels that at this moment in the market, we could get quite a bit more for our house than what we paid. So this started a new conversation for us. Why not sell it for the money? We have the advantage of being in a cheaper (but still pretty nice) neighborhood than Castro Valley, we are on a cul de sac, there is a brand new school being built right next to us, and our house is a good size with a patio room that is going to be redone. We knew when we bought this house that it was not our forever home. We bought it as a stepping stone, a way to get a foot in the door.

So the plan is to sell, make a decent amount of money, and move back to the area we really love which is the San Ramon, Danville, Dublin area. We are hoping to use our profit to buy again in a better area before the rates go back up which they are predicted to do in about two years.

Anyways, I hope people understand. This is really the best decision for our family.

In other news, I will pay anyone $10 to come play hockey, basketball, midget tossing..whatever in the park next to our house on Sunday so I don't have to hear those kids while I paint the patio room! :D

17 day diet.

So I started the 17 Day Diet back in September, 2011. I had a lot of success with it right off the bat. The idea is that you teach yourself how to eat again, mostly teaching yourself how to be careful when it comes to carbs. The system is 4 cycles of 17 days each. In the first cycle, you eat absolutely no carbs, no sugar except for a few select fruits, and severely limit your fat intake. You can eat as many of the allowed veggies (most veggies are a go) and as much of the listed lean proteins as you like. You also need to have 2 pro biotic servings a day along with a glass of green tea at each meal. As you go through each cycle, you slowly add carbs and fattier meats back into your diet, but in smaller amounts. For example, cycle 2 alternates between cycle 1 days and days where you can have one serving of a natural carb. By cycle 4, you follow a healthy diet during the week, limiting carbs, sugars, and fats, but you can eat what you want on the weekends.

I got through cycle 1 without a problem. I was really proud of myself and lost around 10 lbs, which I am happy to say I have kept off since then! I lost another 3 or 4 lbs doing cycle 2 but I started to feel sluggish and sickly so I stopped following the diet strictly. The fact that I was able to keep off 10 lbs during the holidays was a miracle to me and really proved to me that this diet was on to something. The main thing that stuck with me even after following the diet for such a short time, was how many carbs I was actually consuming without even batting an eye. I am much more aware now of the carbs I take in and I think that really helped me keep a majority of the weight off.

I know that 10 lbs sounds like nothing to a lot of people, but it's a big deal for me. I've been struggling with my weight since I started college. I just have so very little self control when it comes to food, not to mention very low self esteem. Sometimes I binge eat almost to punish myself because I'm feeling so low. It's really bazaar. Anyways, today I started the 17 day diet again. Now that the holidays are gone, there are no more excuses. Plus, my lovely friend is getting married in late March and I'm a bridesmaid! I don't want to look all bloated and gross in her pictures, so I'm going to try and shed another 10 lbs before her big day. It definitely won't put me anywhere near my "ideal weight" but I will feel better about myself.

I'm not going to lie, a lot of this is about vanity. I used to really enjoy the attention I got for my looks, and relied on it way too much for way too long. I had a false sense of confidence and never spent time learning to love the me inside. So now that I feel that my good looks are a thing of the past, I don't have any confidence to rely on either. I'm working on it, but it's hard to undo years of self loathing, which I always had for one thing or another. I worry way too much about what other people think of me, when in reality, they probably aren't thinking of me at all. If you ask my Dad, the problem is that I think about me too much. lol.

Another part of this is that I do want to feel healthy again. When I'm feeling healthy I'm more awake, the dark circles under my eyes fade, my skin feels better, and I have more energy to spend on my daughter. I'll get there. Wish me luck.

<3 jill

Happy Sunday!

Why can't they stay small and sweet forever?

When I woke up this morning I was welcomed into the day by Gemma who gave me a huge hug and said, "Daddy, it's a Mommy! Mommy's here!" Then she took my hand, led me to the couch and read me her train book. It was so nice to wake up to!

It took me a long time to really accept that I was a mother. I knew I was a mother, and I've spent almost every day with Gemma since she was born. But the realization that she really was mine, and the bond that follows took a little more time. I think I was scared to mess her up, so I did my best, but didn't let myself really fall in love the way a mother does. I don't think I'm alone on this. I've heard from a lot of mothers that this can take time.

Ever seen "The Business of Being Born?" It's a very informative movie about the importance of natural birth, emphasizing home births. While, I don't necessarily agree that home birth is right for everyone, (it certainly wouldn't have been right for me!) something one of the physicians said in his interview was very interesting to me. He claimed that women who had c-sections didn't have the same release of hormones that made them immediately feel that bond and love for their newborn. I had a c-section. After being 2 weeks overdue and nothing happening, we did an ultrasound and found out that Gemma was going to be between 9 1/2 lbs and 11 lbs and something oz. A c-section was a must. Anyways, sometimes I wonder if  what that doctor said is really true and that's why it took me so long.

Nevertheless, I can definitely say today that I am a full on mama bear (no, not the Sarah Palin crazy kind.) Every time I look at that little lady I just think, my god, how did we do that? I'm trying to live in the moment these days, because I realize now that she won't be this tiny and adorable forever. As she gets older, some days she will hate me, think I'm trying to ruin her life, and even try to shut me out. And on those days, I will remember moments like this morning when she wrapped her chubby little arms around my neck and said with delight, "Mommy's here!!"

Hold on to those moments.

Very Green Key Lime Pie.

This is one of my favorite recipes, and it's really simple. Have you ever seen the movie "Waitress?" It's basically about a pregnant lady who is unhappy with her life and finds solace in making pies. And they look ah-maaaaz-ing. I couldn't find a picture, but she makes these custard looking pies in all kinds of bright colors. That's what inspired me when I made this key lime pie. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Ingredients:

Crust                                                                   
                                                 
* 1 1/14 cups graham crumbs                    

* 2 Tablespoons sugar                                

* 5 Tablespoons butter                                

 Filling


 * 1 can condensed milk

* 4 egg yolks

* 3/4 cup Key Lime Juice (bottled or freshly squeezed)
                                                                   
* green food coloring (optional)

Instructions:

1. Mix well: graham crumbs, sugar and melted butter in a bowl. Press into pie pan. Bake at 350 for 10 minutes.

2.Whisk condensed milk with yolks until well combined. Add juice and whisk.  At this point the mixture will probably start to thicken a bit. Your mixture will probably look a pale yellow now, so I like to make it a little more exciting by adding food coloring. Add one drop of green at a time and mix well until you get the color you want.

3. Pour your mixture into the crust and bake for another 15 minutes. Let it cool completely on a rack at room temperature and then transfer to the refrigerator for 8 hrs to set.

****The picture you see above is this recipe DOUBLED. I used a 12 inch pie pan.

Enjoy!

Jillianne

50 Things to do With Your Toddler...what works for us.

I keep seeing these list floating around and although a lot of them have been really helpful, some aren't really relevant to Gemma and me. So I thought I would make my own! And if I can give some at-her-wits-end-stay-at-home-mom some ideas, then I will have accomplished my goal.

Most of these activities are geared towards children around 2, but there is definitely some activities to do with younger and older children as well!

1. Bath (or shower in Gemma's case). Crayons, alphabet magnets, shaving cream, glow in the dark sticks, bath fizzies that turn the water pink, washing their plastic toys. Gemma loves to wash her Daffy Duck.

2. Construction paper and stickers. Ask what shape they want, cut it out for them, and let them go at it! I use the tiny round stickers, or cheap star stickers from Walmart.

3. Perler Beads. See my post on them here.

4. Watch videos of trains on youtube. Sounds silly, but my god do toddlers love trains.

5. Trains again. Draw a track using a bunch of white printer paper taped together. Cut box cars out of construction paper or old drawings. You can even talk about what kind of freight each car is carrying. Fasten them together with tape or hole punch and use string, pipe cleaners, or ribbon. Don't forget the caboose!

6. Flash cards. I know people think these are boring, but Gemma loves her animal flashcards! She likes to flip them around for me and put them back in order too.

7. Make a hat out of paper. You can cut out a crown if your little one is feeling particularly royal, let them decorate it and then tape it together at the back. Or you can let them decorate the paper and make a cone hat.

8. Cut out cookies. Gemma loves to help me put the flour down and then use the cookie cutters all by herself. If you don't want baked goods sitting around (like me) give them away, or give them to dad to take to work!



8 1/2. Decorate said cookies. 

9. Make a book. I know that some toddlers aren't quite there yet, but it can be very basic. Help them draw the pictures and form the sentences. Put all of the pages together and I bet you anything they will be amazed at what they have accomplished. Especially if you have a little book worm like we do!

10. Blocks. Not only are blocks for building, they can be for counting and color sorting as well. If you don't have some blocks, get some.

11. Make a fort. One of my favorite past times as a kid and some of my earliest memories. Pull up some dining room chairs near the couch and drape a sheet over them. Ta daaaaaa.

12. Call Dad, Grandma, Pop-pop or whoever is available and tell them all about your toddler's latest accomplishment, making sure they are on speaker phone and your toddler is listening.  I know this isn't really an "activity" but your toddler will light up. It's a great way to enforce good behavior, and also a great way to break a whining streak!

13. Go outside with the purpose of listening. You will be amazed at the everyday sounds you tune out. We have a rooster in our neighborhood, lots of airplanes flying by, a neighbor who works on cars. All of these things I would have overlooked, but Gemma is fascinated.


14. Go outside with a magnifying glass. What can you find?

15. Pipecleaners.  $1 for a pack of 25 at Joann. Make bracelets, necklaces, chains, caterpillars. You name it.

16. Make personal pizzas. You can do this for Friday night pizza, or much easier, use tortillas and tomato paste. Sprinkle the cheese and decorate with whatever you've got. Make shapes, or faces!

17. Put O's on a string. A beautiful necklace perhaps?

18. Play I Spy while folding laundry. "I spy a blue shirt with a flower, " and she hands it to me to fold.

19. Wheels on the Bus, Skinnamarinky (whoa spelling) Dinky Dink, Baby Bumble Bee, Itsy Bitsy Spider. Songs with motions.

20. Make a faux stew. When my cousins and I were little bitty, we used to take a bucket or one of my grandma's giant stock pots and fill it with water (usually outside using the hose) and then we would gather anything we could find in the yard and those were our ingredients. This probably wouldn't be great for younger toddlers, they may just be confused as to why you're not supposed to eat it, but older toddlers, and even kids up to about 5 will love it. Once they grasp the concept of "pretend" this is a great activity.

21. Paint. Duh, right? Throw down an old sheet in the kitchen and let them go at it. Use fingers, brushes, toy trucks and cars (tire tracks look pretty cool) and let them have fun. I like to do this in the afternoon, diaper only, and then stick her in the shower. I put down the sheet because I hate cleaning up messes, but I don't want to constantly hover over her and make her uncomfortable. It's just easiest for us both :)

22. Library. Another duh, I know. But seriously. Get yourself out of the house to a place where you don't have to spend money and your child won't know the difference. They also have story times and other scheduled activities so check out your local library's online calendar. Also check
out some books for yourself because you always say
you don't have time to read, but really, you do.

Try the 100 Book Challenge!

23. Hide toy food. It's like Easter without the candy and God knows you have enough small plastic toys in your house.

24. Cars in the hallway. Place an object (stuffed animal, ball, whatever) at the end of the hallway and see if they can get their hot wheels or trucks to zoom all the way down to that object. This is a surprisingly difficult task! (For me.)

25. Read the funnies.  See if your kid can come up with a storyline for the (appropriate) pictures. A lot of tiny short stories should hold their attention span for awhile.

26. vyzAtz55tz5t51q55. Open up Textedit or Word and let them type. Otherwise they will try to take over your blog as seen here.

27. Make a zoo. Something inspired by my little sister. Use their stuffed animals and plastic animals to help them make a zoo. Make fences with gates and use bowls of water for ponds (for plastic animals obviously.)

28. Mr. Potato Head. If you can afford it, this is a great toy that will be hours of fun. I got Gemma a giant one at Costco that had 4 potatoes and lots of accessories inside. Her toddler friends love it too!

29. Draw. Be an active participant. Draw objects and then ask what they think it is. Draw a shape and ask them to copy it. Make outlines of their hands.

29. Go to the pet store or local city animal shelter. This is on a lot of lists, and it truly is the next best thing to the zoo, especially because it's free! Consider even getting a goldfish and let your toddler help you feed it everyday :)

30. Make edible shapes.  You can melt chocolate, baking chips, or even use yogurt and help your toddler make shapes and letters with a pastry bag on some wax paper. This may be too advanced for the little ones, but Gemma loves it. Even if I'm actually the one making most of the shapes, she still feels          like she's helping. Put them in the fridge for a few hours and peel them off. Pure magic I tell you.



31. Jello. Make jello and put it in a small square pan (a thinner layer) and let them play with it! They can use cookie cutters in it, or just squish it in their hands like Gemma does. It's a nice little (time consuming) treat.

Homemade peanut butter play dough.

32. Playdough! Super cheap and hours of fun. We like to make snow men and snakes. You can also use plastic toys to make imprints in it. Gemma thinks this is an awesome trick. She never tries to eat it, maybe it's the neon colors.

33. Look at the stars and moon. This is a nightly ritual at our house. I think it helps Gemma not to be so scared of the dark.

34. Parachute. If you have a parachute, great. If not, use a sheet. Same effect. Let them sit on top while you spin them around, go underneath, or toss a ball on top to watch it bounce as you move the parachute around.

35. Turn your laundry basket into a car.  Use some round pieces of cardboard to make tires and a steering wheel. Some paper headlights..have fun decorating it and then push them all around the house in it practicing your car sounds.

36. When it's raining, go outside. In California, it's always warm enough to do this. I understand that in some places, it might just seem unbearable. But OMG it is so fun to get soaking wet from standing in the rain. Then run inside and hop into a hot shower.

37. Plant something together. My husband always enlists Gemma's help with the yard work. Kid loves being outside with her daddy. She has helped him plant many plants and not only does she get to play with dirt, she gets to be helpful!

38. Have tea. This doesn't have to only be a girl thing. Make a little pretend picnic and have lunch together! Have some stuffed animals join you.

39. Paint your fingers and toes. Again, doesn't have to be a girl thing. I have super fast drying polish that I use on Gemma. They have easily washable kid polishes as well. Let them do your toes! Almost as good as a pedicure...

40. Be a marching band. Everyone gets their own instrument and you march around the house. :)

41. "Spray Paint" Fill some old (very cleaned out) spray bottles with watered down paint. (Their may be some formula I don't know about for this..this is just how I do it.) Set up some paper on an easel outside, or even tape it to a tree and let them go to town making spray art.

42. Chalk! Who doesn't love chalk? If you have a big driveway like us..perfect!

43. Potato Stamps. Cut a potato in half. Carve out designs in the raw end of the halves (adults do this part please.) Let them dip the shapes in tempera or poster paint and then stamp, stamp, stamp away!

44. Make nature prints. Along similar lines to the potato stamping. Go outside and collect cool leaves, sticks, and rocks, and use them to make prints with paint. Let them paint a leaf with all different colors, and then help them press it onto paper. I did this with a dead fish once when I was a kid. It was disgusting and I wouldn't suggest it...but it was really cool.


45. Make puppets. Remember those paper bag puppets you made from brown lunch bags as a kid? Yes! Do it! Let your toddler make their very own monster with whatever you've got on hand. If you don't have small bags, just cut characters out of paper and put them on Popsicle sticks. Put on a show!

46. Bubbles. Need I say more?


47. Do an exercise video. You don't necessarily have to wake up at the crack of dawn to exercise, or wait until your kid is napping. Do it together! You might be surprised at how hard they try to imitate you. Also, Pbskids.org has a whole section of mini workouts for kids. They can follow along with their favorite characters. We like George.

48. Dance party. Requested by my husband. Kind of an obvious one, but fun                nonetheless! 

49. Silly dress up. You could do costumes, but we like to do pants on our heads, socks on our hands, shirts on our legs. You get the idea.


50. Lastly, READ.

Amazing Grace.

This is a different kind of post. I'm feeling a little down today and just to warn you, this blog is very self indulgent.

I don't know why, but I've been having these really stressful dreams about my Nana lately. She passed away last year and I was devastated to lose such a beautiful force in my life. The truth is that I had been missing her for a long time. Long before she left us. Even so, the loss of her life felt like being hit with a ton of bricks.

Nana and me at my college graduation.

I was lucky enough to have lived 30 minutes away from my Nana for most of my childhood. She attended many of my birthday dinners, all of my graduations, including college which I know she was really proud of, and my wedding. I think that my wedding was the last time she really got to see her entire family, and she whispered in my ear that I had taught her something. I'll never know what that was, or how little me could ever have taught HER something, but at least I know that she was truly happy that day. She not only had a profound impact on my life but on my parents' lives as well. She and my dad disagreed about many, many things, but she loved him dearly and I think she really lit a fire in him to find things that
he was passionate about.

Fun food!

Make it into shapes, and they will eat it. At least my kid will.

My first attempt at this went REALLY well.

-Quesadilla flower cut with a petal cake decorating thing I got at Joann, and pureed squash in the middle. 

She ate everything on that plate and then had seconds and thirds. Well accept for the arugula..I was just getting too excited. She did try it though! And promptly spit it out.

So because I am way too lazy to make a picture out of my child's food for every meal, I've just started cutting her food into shapes. "Look Gemma! Your break is a diamond!" And it's WORKING! Homegirl is eating everything I put on her plate. Sometimes she spits it out, but just the fact that she's trying it and chewing it up is good enough for me. 

So tonight I got bold and decided to put carrots and celery along with her chicken. Sure, she smothered every last bit of that food in ketchup, but she ate it! She actually ate all of the carrots and even though she only chewed up the celery and spit it out..that's got to count for something, right? 

Try it! Let me know if you have any success!

jill