Homemade Advent Calendar :)

I am so proud of this project! When I was younger, my stepmom did really cute advent calendars for my sister and I, so I was inspired to make one for Gemma this year. Each day has either a piece of candy, or a Christmas related activity like "Visit Santa." I'm so excited for Gemma to count down the days with this! I think she's gonna love it!

Am I there yet?

I'm learning a very hard lesson about growing up right now. It's a lesson that was a long time coming and frankly, long overdue. I'm learning what it means to be an adult.

Specifically, I'm learning that I need to live my life the way I think is best and not constantly be in anxious ruins about what others will think of my decisions. It's no way to live, let me tell you.

I have a complex where I always worry that people are going to walk out on me. Like they will stop thinking that I am worth the trouble. I dwell so much on these feelings of inadequacy and self doubt. I think, well maybe if I just do this one thing, this person will appreciate it or so and so will think better of me.

Instead of just being myself, I try so hard to be someone each person will like that I become completely overbaring and flat out annoying to some people. I'm feeling this way right now with my dad. I depend on him way too much for everything and I know it wears on him. To his credit, he hasn't turned away from me yet, and when I'm being rational, I know he never will. But when I get sad and insecure, that's the first awful scene I play in my head because it's the worst thing I could ever let myself imagine.

I'm starting to learn that this need for approval from others is childish. I'm not a little kid anymore and I don't need a gold star for everything I do. But I also shouldn't constantly second guess myself. Of course it is a decent thing to do to consider other's feelings in the day to day, but in the end, you have to do what's right for you. I can't always be worried about someone else being angry, irritated, thinking badly of me, etc. Those are things that I simply can't control.

The sad thing is, for me it isn't even about making everyone happy, it's about making sure I always look like the righteous one in every situation. Done with that nonsense. If you don't like my choices and they don't concern you, keep it to yourself or be ready for me to not give a fuck what you think. If people are really going to judge me so harshly and concern themselves so much with what I do in my own life, I'll figure out soon enough who to keep around and who to not. I just hope and pray to whatever entity that be that none of the people I really care about will end up on the "not" list.

Btw, this is in no way directed at a specific person.

Check me out!

So I did it! I'm selling on Scoutmob and you can find me here.

Go check it out!

Oh Nana, I wish you could have seen this. You would have been so proud.

<3

There are leaves...

So many, many leaves. So I decided to do a little fall project with them. I don't have a lot of time before my sale starts on the new website so I'm trying to get in all the little projects I can before then. I will have no time!

My lovely husband and daughter went to pick out the leaves, and I think they did a fantastic job :)

These are my awesome helpers <3

Gemma and I painted them and GLITTERED them. I painted the background and the tree, then GLITTERED it. :D

I still haven't figured out how to put the leaves on so that they will stay (not crumble). I love the 3d look but I'm afraid I will end up having to mod podge them on there. Any ideas? Can I mod podge just the leaves and then glue them on? Help a crafting sister out!

Super Easy Halloween activity to do with kids.

I have no idea if other people do this or if it's a thing. My Meme used to do this with my sister and I and I decided to give it a try with Gemma this year. Nutter Butter Ghosts!

You need:
Nutter Butters
1 bag white chocolate chips
1 bag mini chocolate chips
icing, I chose purple because the only black was super expensive. I now like purple better. :)

Steps:

1. Lay out a few sheets of wax paper.

2. Melt white chocolate in a bowl at 30 sec intervals stirring each time. Stir hard. White chocolate can be a bitch.

3. Dip one side of Nutter Butters in said white chocolate. I like to just shove it in there and then pull it up sideways so the excess drips off. Then I use a knife or the side of the bowl to get it off the edges.

4. Let adorable little child put on chocolate chips for the eyes. Be warned that the adorable little child will become a chocolate hoarder and eat way more than you are comfortable with.

5. Decorate with icing!

6. Eat those suckers.

Who ARE you?

Do you ever go through an entire day where you are just unable to recognize yourself? Or you feel like you don't know the people around you as well as you should?

I have this weird dissociative thing that I've always had off and on. It's been like a week though and I don't know what else to say except that I'm in a funk. I look at my actions throughout the day and I'm thinking, did I really just do that? Or, in a lot of cases, it's did I really NOT do that? 

I've had this amazing opportunity dropped in my lap. Something I never expected. I'm not sure if it's really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but damn, its awesome. Someone wants to sell my stuff on their website. I will have WAY more exposure than I do with my Etsy shop. People like my work. Out of all the others doing what I do, they like mine. It validates me. I feel like I've got something to offer. On top of that, I've made my Dad proud.

But for some reason, this week, I'm feeling like this opportunity can't possibly be meant for me. Is my self worth really that low that I don't think I deserve it? Maybe so. Maybe I really feel like I can't possibly be the person making things that people like and pay money for. Why? Too many years of doubting, feeling inadequate, being depressed. It's an awful way to go about life. I don't recommend it.

Another example: Gemma. I go through so many days looking at her and saying, who is this little person? How could that beautiful little being have come from me? It's almost too hard to believe. Today I just kept looking at her and hugging her, saying I love you so much. She was totally annoyed because I was acting like a crazy person. I just feel like I'm missing out on this awesome connection with her because I'm holding myself back. I'm so obsessed with the idea that I'm doing things wrong, or that I'm not good enough, that I am missing out on building a connection with my baby. She probably looks at me like I'm some mean unhappy person. It kills me.

Story of my life, so anxious and worried about what might happen or what people might think that I end up doing nothing. Ugh. Here's to hoping I can shake this feeling. Soon.

California Love.

Not an entirely original idea (not sure who came up with it first) but I definitely tried to make it my own!